drop a load

This is courtesy of my sister.

HOW TO POOP AT WORK
>
> We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As
> much as we try to
> convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is
> inevitable. For those who
> hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide
> for taking a dump at
> work.
>
> CROP DUSTING:
> When farting, you walk briskly around the office so
> the smell is not in your
> area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know
> where it came from. Be
> careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full
> fart has been
> expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the
> smell has left your pants.
>
> FLY BY:
> This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before
> pooping. Walk in and
> check for other poopers. If there are others in the
> bathroom, leave and
> come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT
> FLYER. People may
> become suspicious if they catch you constantly going
> into the bathroom.
>
> ESCAPEE:
> This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at
> the urinal or forcing a
> poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a
> sudden wave of
> embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not
> acknowledge it. Pretend
> it did not happen. If you are standing next to the
> farter in the urinal,
> pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee.
> It is uncomfortable
> for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes
> both parties feel uneasy.
>
> JAILBREAK:
> When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a
> machine gun pace. This is
> usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If
> this should happen, do
> not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
> left the bathroom to
> spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
>
>
> COURTESY FLUSH:
> The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
> hits the water. This
> reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up
> the bathroom. This
> can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF
> SHAME.
>
> WALK OF SHAME:
> Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after
> you have just stunk
> up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable
> moment if someone walks
> in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to
> pretend that the smell does
> not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be
> avoided with the use of the
> COURTESY FLUSH.
>
> OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER:
> This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn
> proud of it. You will
> often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the
> bathroom with a newspaper or
> magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the
> office for the Out Of
> The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
>
> THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK ( P.F.N):
> A group of co-workers who band together to ensure
> emergency pooping goes off
> without incident. This group can help you to monitor
> the whereabouts of Out
> Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
>
> SAFE HAVENS:
> A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in
> the building where you
> can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
> predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce
> the odds of a pooper of
> your sex entering the bathroom.
>
> TURD BURGLAR:
> This is someone who does not realize that you are in
> the stall and tries to
> force the door open. This is one of the most shocking
> and vulnerable
> moments that can occur when taking a poop at work if
> this occurs, remain in
> the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you
> will avoid all
> uncomfortable eye contact.
>
> CAMO-COUGH:
> A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
> bathroom that you are in
> a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to
> cover-up a WATERMELON,
> or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The Camo-Cough
> is very effective when
> used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
>
> ASTAIRE:
> An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert
> potential Turd Burglars
> that you are occupying a stall. This will end all
> doubt that the stall is
> occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
> immediately so the
> pooper can poop in peace.
>
> WATERMELON:
> A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash
> when hitting the
> toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident.
> If you feel a
> Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See
> CAMO-COUGH.
>
> HAVANA OMELET:
> A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
> splashes in the toilet
> water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a
> Camo-Cough with an
> Astaire.
>
> UNCLE TODD:
> An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger
> around forever. This
> person could spend extended lengths of time in front
> of the mirror or
> sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult
> to relax while on the
> crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the
> bathroom is empty. This
> benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees.
>
> Hope the Survival Guide helps, as the WORKPOOP is an
> inevitable part of
> life.